Battles 5 Days A Week

There is a constant internal struggle that I engage in at work everyday. Actually, it is more like a war, with battles scheduled 5 days a week. On days off, the weariness of battle from the previous week and gearing up for the battles of next drowns the relaxation that is sorely needed. The stakes are high, and the axis of the war is in the lead. Losing is not an option, but still a possibility and would result in a lack of income, a bleak prospect of future income, and the detriment of my general well-being.

The army of hard work, concentration, and being an altogether valuable employee is not well armed. Generally they decide that there are plenty of other things to do while merely pretending to fight. It is only when presented with the weaponry of new and interesting tasks at work that this army fights with all of its might. It is at these times that great works happen. The sky opens and flows with such inspiration and concentration that the work that is done stands high above a normal day.

However, the opposition is much more powerful. Their weapons consist of menial tasks, interruptions, the draw of the massiveness that is the Internet that is at my fingertips. On days that I lose the battle, much of the time is spent browsing the net. With the absence of a driving force to invigorate the allies into action, this army readily wins the battle. At the end of the day, I lay broken, tired, and depressed by my loss. Sometimes it seems that the axis always wins.

The root cause that the battle is constantly so one-sided is mostly boredom. For years, all that it takes for me to work hard at anything that I do is to arouse my interest. (or do nothing for so long that I must get up and DO something, but that takes days) If I am learning something new, I am all in earnest. But at work, that is so rare that the day-to-day stuff becomes almost painful. Why must I reply to all of my email with answers to stupid questions or deal with the fires the must be put out. Problems just seem to constantly happen which is an early drain on any sort of initiative to complete work items throughout the rest of the day.

So how do I motivate myself, and therefore the good army, to resist the charges and assaults that come from both myself and my environment? I would hope that it is not completely up to me and that work itself is failing in someway so that I could absolve myself, but obviously this is not the case. I do not wish to find a different line of work because I generally like the area I'm in, just not the current situation. No, I think that on most days, the battle is won or lost before I ever get to work. A conscious and truthful (no tricking myself) decision to work hard the moment that the battle starts is the solution. The hardest part is that first initial skirmish in the morning. If that is won, the days battle starts heavily favoring a good outcome.

The last thing to note about this war in general is that it never ends, well, not in the near future anyway. I must build up my army every day until the opposition is weak and overpowered on even the bad days. When that happens, I will consider myself successful no matter how much money I make.